Currently listening to Mandisa’s Overcomer and Hello by Matthew West while writing this; amazing, beautiful songs by the way! Guess that explains the title because I was so blank on what to call this! Anyhu, I feel so happy, excited and thrilled right now, am not sure if you can feel it :). For starters, this beautiful songs speaks so much life to what we are gonna talk about so lets get on this bandwagon!
Am not sure if you’ve ever reached the point where you doubt yourself, your beautiful,witty, charming personality, the things you love doing and your potential at large. Or maybe you’re in the situation where you feel like maybe you’ve been doing everything wrong this whole time and maybe just what you’re doing is not your calling! So at this point, you feel the need to figure things out, the need to find yourself, not sure if that is realistically, completely possible but oh well, you get exactly what am saying! And at the end of the day, you just feel bummed about everything as you try to ‘figure things out’.
So the past couple of weeks my Stats really went down making me reach the point where I doubted my work and more so my ministry. It’s genuinely sad because I write from my heart, I give a lot of sentimental value to words and in the process asking God to use me for the message He wants to pass on. Along with other stuff going on, this lowered me so much to the point of doubt and the sense of lack of purpose. In the process, I wondered what exactly is my calling, if blogging is something I genuinely want to pursue, am I doing things right and all these rhetorics that seem to wreck my mind only to drive me mental. *Fingers crossed someone doesn’t think “Hasn’t she always been mental?…<chuckles as I wave my hand in the air obviously avoiding that question>. Anyhu, where was I, this is something that has genuinely been bothering me and to add on top of it, I was involved in this situation that made me doubt my personality all roundedly in the process of subconsciously trying to please people. So in general, these are stuff that really weighed me down as I thought I’d just be another number in statistics that did not live to fulfill their purpose! Huh! A small Maasai-Borana girl who may end up tucked up behind files in a grey cubicle, probably in very dull, baggy clothes, a low hair bun and big rimmed glasses, doing the same routine daily! Yikes! Even the thought of this gives me creeps especially because am a very spontaneous person! Heck it was such a frustrating thing that even food itself couldn’t solve, maybe make me feel a little better and distracted but sadly, not solve.
In the process of it all, I tried to speak these verses to myself but my mind seemed so distracted, confused, skeptical and cynical about things I ended missing the one main ingredient that we all need to succeed, FAITH!! Obviously this is the point I clearly needed to hear my own advice or rather the fact God told me He loved me as I am during this whole thing. However, bottom line is I didn’t affirm this in my Spirit! And this makes me feel like I overstayed in a situation that clearly was NOT TO BE STAYED AT ALL!!.
So back to today, today was kinda a lousy day for me, especially the fact there were no lights and I was already thinking too much, heck it’s crazy! I mean I don’t wanna get wrinkles this young! So anyhu, when they finally came back, there’s this channel I’ve subscribed to and naturally when am all bummed it’s videos really help to lift my spirits.(PS: Its called Our Two Cents, hosted by Susan Lucky Wong and Sharon Mundia<or else popularly known as This is Ess>; definitely must watch you guys!). For guys who know me know am such a big fan of This Is Ess because I find happiness in going through her page and look a lot up to her. So guess what I find? They were filming a Q&A video and guess whose question they answer first!!!(I need a moment to scream, get all excited then recover my breath). I mean OH MY GOD!!!!! Then guess what they were answering. A question I’d asked a couple of weeks ago on exactly on what we’re talking about!!! If that is not a miracle, i don’t know what it is then. (I really need a moment, this was really overwhelming!I bet my room mate now thinks I’ve really lost it this time).
Now this brings me to the solution God had told me ages ago, yet because of my little faith, I had not really affirmed this. And this just seemed to prove God’s Love for me even the more, despite the times I refused to believe and affirm what He was telling me. Yap! My God is that awesome guys! :). In the process of all this, I’ve learned there is Power in Faith, Power in trusting God’s process like David and Joseph and finally Power in how you see yourself and the words you utter.
In a few words, without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrew 11:6). I feel like its when you’re like this big guru in field like IT then some guy brings you this easy problem which is like so easy to solve but they keep asking you, are you sure you can solve this? over and over again but you’re like the Mark Zuckerberg of tech in that place. Honestly, that’s so annoying, I’d probably be like, you know what, I think it’s better when you solve it because clearly you don’t think I can. At times I feel like God tells me, “I created this huge ball, filled with water floating around in space and you don’t think I could sort you out? Like honestly, I mean what do You take me for?<eyebrows raised and all..hahaha>”…Obviously that’s like so exaggerated in my mind, but oh well, you get my point!
Then there’s the process where we’re chipped to be better and more beautiful people who are on fire for Him and His purpose within us! Take it this way, A diamond is a piece of coal/carbon which has faced the fire beautifully. Now, now, now, how beautiful is that! Trust in the process! Finally, Power of the mind and of the tongue! As a man thinketh, so is he! Whatever you entertain in your mind is basically what you become, as they say Garbage in, garbage out! I mean, these negative thoughts are genuinely exhausting and draining and honey! God already KNOWS you’re soo amazing you’re even worth dying for!(John 3:16- For God so loved the world<put your name here>, that He gave His only Son, that for those who believe<again, you> SHALL NOT DIE BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE!).
After this, what exactly are you speaking about your situation, as in the tongue lies power of life and death. In James 4:7, Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee! How you may ask? Oh well, in Revelations 12:11, They overcame Him by the blood of the Lamb<submission to Christ> and THE WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY(RESISTING THE DEVIL). What exactly is the word of your testimony? What do you speak to yourself? 20 years later, would you look at yourself and still say the same words? Again, In John 10:10, says the devil comes to steal, to kill and to destroy but I(Jesus Christ) came that you may have life and have it in abundance. Are you living in this Abundance? because if not, it’s like saying the dying on the cross was all in vain! So,are you living the life He died for? The life He intended you to live?<Seriously guys, pause and ask these questions to yourself>
Okay guessing you have! Let’s go on, the whole process has taught me a couple of stuff such as1. Worry is literally human waste needed to be removed! In short it’s useless and silly because it solves nothing apart from raising your blood pressure and making you look way older and gloomier! 2.The greatness we all look for out there is already within us! Greater is He who is within me, than he who is in the world(1 John 4:4). In short, I AM GREAT ALREADY! Nothing can genuinely compare with the satisfaction God, our amazing daddy and friend gives us that’s why we’re told to store up our treasures in heaven, where the moths can not destroy and the thief can not steal. In conclusion, the same way a wicked man cannot give his son stones when he asks for bread, what more can my father, owner of the universe do for me? And if it does not come to pass, God loves us too much to lead us into something that was not genuinely ours to start of!! Still, for all these things to pass, WE NEED FAITH! and just as small as a mustard seed(size of a sugar particle) is enough to move a mountain(struggles)<Mark 11: 22-25>
Now smile because You’re an overcomer!!!
(PS:Check out Mandissa’s mix on Overcomer with 194 videos on you tube, really awesome,beautiful, inspiring music out there plus Lauren Diangle’s Trust in You & Come alive, and Johnny Diaz- Breath- 2 words for all these songs,LOVE&LOVE! Plus am neither Maasai nor Borana; I guess first am weird and I am really in love with African culture especially if it involves role play !)
Thank you so much for taking time to read my blog. It’s genuinely so touching and very blessing. I would also so love to be blessed by you amazing person, so if there is a word you have, feel free to leave it in the comments. Generally, am so humbled and blessed by you all! For daily inspirations, God allows me to use my Instagram account @purple_linen_31, though I was thinking of posting them here in stead. All in all, am genuinely blessed by God, you guys and this platform! Thank you loves!